


I Don’t (Love You)

by Loki_ate_my_pudding



Category: IT (2017)
Genre: End of a Relationship, Sad, Sad Eddie, mentions of abuse, mentions of drug use
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-03
Updated: 2018-12-03
Packaged: 2019-09-06 08:27:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 752
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16828810
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Loki_ate_my_pudding/pseuds/Loki_ate_my_pudding
Summary: Eddie doesn’t miss Richie, but he still looks back on their last relationship.-based on a lowkey original song that’s not been released yet, when it is, I’ll link it-





	I Don’t (Love You)

Eddie didn’t miss Richie anymore. 

He did at first, of course he did, because he truly did love Richie. He was his first boyfriend, his first love, his first kiss, his first everything. They’d been silly teens, of course, fresh out of a traumatizing event and ready to find comfort in as many ways as they could. 

Eddie found his comfort in Richie Tozier, and Richie found his in Eddie, and ganja. 

It lasted years, throughout high school, and both Eddie and Richie were content with each other despite the countless “fag” comments directed towards them everyday. They knew it would pass, one day it would pass. 

And it did, but not in the way they wanted it to. 

The day they graduated, they found themselves at the quarry in silence alone. It was tiring, really, though their hands stayed lazily intertwined when Eddie started feeling sick. “So I’m going to college in New York, Rich.” 

“I know, Eds.” 

“What are we going to do?” 

“I don’t know, Eds.” 

And Eddie felt like Richie was a lost cause. They fell quiet again, and Eddie looked at him. “I think we should break up for a while. Until we can see each other regularly.” 

Richie looked up at him and nodded wordlessly, pulling his hand from Eddie’s, and Eddie silently felt his eyes fill with tears. He wanted Richie to fight it. He wanted Richie to fight for him. 

So they parted ways, and as a thirty two year old man, Eddie pondered his old relationship from his bed, beside a fat woman who resembled Sonia Kaspbrak in every way of the word. 

He wondered if the nights he stayed up thinking about Richie were returned, if he stayed up with a blunt between his lips, wishing he fought for his love. 

He wondered if everytime he felt a ring in his ears, it was Richie, bringing him up to some stoner buddy or something, just like Eddie talked to the losers about Rich. He wished it was more than anything. 

Myra moved beside him, snoring a little louder. He took another sleeping pill. 

He wondered if the nights they snuck out and slept in the bed of Richie’s old truck, if it meant anything to the other teen. He wondered if when they gazed at the stars, Richie was enjoying himself or staying silent. 

He wondered if it was ever time Richie spent with him, or if it was ever given to him, or if he blew off a joint to spend time with him.

His room was quiet when he started to cry. 

_”Richie, momma’s gonna catch us. Quiet.” Eddie snapped, jokingly glaring at his boyfriend. Richie laughed and shook his head._

_“She sleeps like a rock, Eds! Let’s go to the city.” Richie said. Eddie’s eyes widened._

_“It’s hours away, Chee.” He responded, but Richie shook his head and opened his window anyway. “Come on.”_

_And Eddie did, Slipping out of the window after his boyfriend and shutting it behind him. They climbed into the truck, Richie’s engine complaining as they drove away. He took back roads, which made Eddie’s anxiety increase as he glanced at the glowing green T H R E E A M on the dashboard._

_In the middle of bumfuck no where, Richie parked the car on an overlook and pulled Eddie out and into the bed. He almost cried at the city lights he could see from up there._

_Richie’s hoodie warmed up his arms and legs while he leaned against his tall boyfriend, accepting the pipe when it was passed to him to hit the pungent smelling pot. He smiled at his Richie then, feeling entirely there and no where else._

_Music played from Richie’s speakers, and their highs didn’t seem to wear down as hours were spent, silently watching the city and the cars drive by, so so so small from up in the mountain._

_Light pollution had ruined the starry sky, but all the stars Eddie wanted to see in that moment were next to him, twinkling lights in Richie’s eyes behind his glasses. “I love you.”_

_And at the time, he truly believed Richie was too high to say the words back._

He stared at the window, the city lights corrupting the sky again, and the stars he wanted to see on the other side of the country, but he still whispered to himself, an almost silent; 

“I don’t love you. 

I don’t love you. 

I don’t love you, 

like before.” 


End file.
